21 Day Fix, day 1

As I mentioned yesterday, I went ahead and started the 21 day fix today!  I would have to say today has been, okay.  Not great, but not bad.  

My calorie range is in the 1200-1499 range.  I am allowed

4 Reds

2 Purples

3 Green

1 Blue

1 Orange

2 Yello

2 TSP

I started this before a trip to the store, but I had everything here to fill my containers. After getting through today, I realized I need to move my meals around a bit,  because I was REALLY hungry between 3-6.  So here is what my day looked like. 

Morning coffee

  No creamer, 1 stevia.  I WILL adjust LOL.

Breakfast

1 red, 1 purple

2 hard boiled eggs, and strawberries

I am not very hungry in the morning, and plan on taking out a red this early.  I feel like I could of used it later in the day. 

Snack after workout

1 red, 1 purple

No picture for this (sorry!) but I had one scoop of vanilla Shakeology, 10oz of water, and half a banana.

Lunch

1 red, 2 greens, 1 blue and 1 orange

No more cheese to fill up my blue, I really didn't need it.  And I had to cheat a little and use some of my yogurt ranch dressing...I know, I know.  But in my defense, I didn't have anything to make the 21 day fix dressings, and I was hungry, and didn't want a dry salad.  I used about half of my orange container just to give it a little more flavor.

The girls get home, and normally we are digging for a snack.  Apples, string cheese, things like that...well, I couldn't have those today, and again, I was hungry!  This is the normal time I'm snacking, so was it my mind triggering my body to be hungry, but I could of been okay?  Maybe.  Regardless, I had 1 yellow, which was a sweet potato, while we relaxed after school and played Mario Cart.

Dinner

1 red, 1 green, 1 yellow

That's rice, lettuce, and a turkey burger cut up.

SO.  I did my best.  I definitely have room to improve.  There are lots of options when it comes to these meals, but I worked with what I had at home. 

Right now, again, I'm a little hungry.  But like I told my husband, I'm doing this to change my habits.  Normally on a day like today when I felt hungry, I would of stuck my head in the fridge and got something to eat.  Not knowing where I was for the day in calories, or in carbs/proein/fats.  

Since I am in the lowest calorie bracket, I am going to give this a few days, and then see if I'm still this hungry at the end of the day.  I don't know if I adjust...or stick it out the whole 21 days. 

Oh, and the first workout...was AWESOME.  I am already sore.  I was breathing heavy the entire time.  She has a Jillian type style of workouts, but isn't as hardcore.  I'll try and get a video up tomorrow. :)

Pour your heart out-A double shot of depression

This post is an oldie, but a goodie....never be afraid to ask for help, if you feel like you need it!

I wondered if I would ever get this post out.  I wondered if I had the strength to write it out, and go back and remember the last 3 months.  But I got an overwhelming feeling today to do just that, so here I go.

The first time I got diagnosed with depression was when the girls were about 3 weeks old.  PPD.  

So when it happened again 3 weeks ago, it wasn't something I had never been through before.  But I felt like I should of seen it coming.  

Last year in June, I got the brilliant idea to get off my Lexapro.  At the time I thought it was the smart thing to do.  I didn't want to be on antidepressants my whole life. And coming off of them is just as bad as being depressed.  I thought I would be better off in the long run, and looked for natural cures.  I started taking Formula 303, and St. Johns Wart.  I was working out, taking care of myself, doing everything possible to make my head better.  For a while there, I felt okay.  It was summer, we were outside in the sun most days, I was hanging on and feeling pretty good, but not EVER how I felt when I was on them.  I wondered all the time if I should get back on it, but had convinced myself that it was not a good idea. I had a few terrible things happen to my spirit too....the death of my dog, and watching my Mom choose alcohol over me.  Those 2 events almost broke me, but I held on.

So fast forward to November of last year.  We had just found out we were moving.  Moving away from a house full of memories of my little girls. After dealing with infertility for 6 years, we finally brought home our babies.  So many memories in my head...first words, first steps. It was all just so overwhelming, and I wasn't ready to let go.

But I packed.  And I cried.  I cried every single day.  Not just here and there, every day.  I cried because I was scared, I cried because I was happy, I cried because I couldn't do anything else but cry.  We were moving in to a house that was almost perfect for us.  It had everything we were looking for, and a little more.  I was happy, but I was so scared to let go and move on.  I wanted to, but another part of me said no. 

See, I don't handle change well.  If my curtains change, it takes me weeks to be okay with it.  I don't know what it is, I just don't do well with it.  Little things like curtains I can deal with though....big things, life changing things, well it's a bit harder for me to adjust.

It got worse, but I wouldn't admit I needed help.  I swore I was okay, and pushed on daily.  Then we moved 2 weeks before Christmas and things just got really, really bad.  December and the beginning of January were the 2 worst months Ive had since bringing the girls home from the hospital.  I was so depressed, it was not even funny.  I was never happy, I never smiled, I was mean to my family, I was not motivated to do anything.  I cried every single day of my life.  I had it in my head I was not going to admit to being depressed.  I thought I could beat it, I thought I would eventually feel better.

That feeling better never came.  I didn't want to live.  I never thought about killing myself, but I thought about how much happier I would be if I wasn't living...if that made sense. Then one night, I was laying on the couch, physically unable to move.  I hurt.  My body ached, my heart ached...and my husband was holding my hand while I cried just looking at me...wanting to help me, but knowing he couldn't.  I didn't want to play with my kids, or be around anyone.  The thought of waking up in the morning, and just taking care of my children was enough to make me cry.  I didn't enjoy anything anymore.
 

The next day, I called my doctor. He diagnosed me again, and put me back on Zoloft. 

I think the move put me over the edge.  Just like when I brought 2 little babies home from the hospital, we moved our of a house we built the first 10 years of our life in.  Big changes, and I couldn't handle it just like I couldn't before.  And add that in with the stress of the holidays, and a trip to the ER on Christmas morning with one of my daughters....well, I couldn't take it anymore.

I guess I have not beaten depression.  I am not ever going to be off of Zoloft, and I think I'm okay with that.

  After 5 days of being back on it, I felt better.  I felt like I was getting myself back. And now, it's been almost a month and I wonder why it took me this long to realize it.  Why did I let myself hit rock bottom before I got help?  I have told so many people not to be embarrassed about depression, and that's what I was....I felt embarrassed, I felt weak, I felt like a bad Mother, and a bad wife.  But I know now, I felt like that because I was sick and needed help.

I'm doing good.  I feel great really.  I love life again.  I love everything about waking up in the morning.  I don't worry so much.  I don't obsess over things I can't change. I don't get anxious when I go out in public.
I love my new house.  I love everything about it.

I think a lot of people think you can cure depression by changing the way you live.  I don't think you can cure it by just doing that.  I think depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain, and some people, like myself, have that imbalance and need medication to make it balance.  There are plenty of people that take medication daily for other things besides depression, but yet our society makes people like myself feel bad for having to do that.
Why?
  I'm finally at a place where I can talk about this and not feel bad for taking my Zoloft before I go to bed.  

I never should of been....

21 Day Fix!

I couldn't be more excited about our new program, the 21 day fix!  

If you are anything like me, counting calories and portion control are your biggest issues with keeping or getting the weight off.  I despise counting calories.  

You get what is pictured above.  Colored containers will become your new BFF.  If it fits in the container, you can eat it!  But you won't be eating crap.  The meal guide will give you clean, healthy recipes.  So think oatmeal, omelet with veggies, salads with grilled chicken, rice, fruit.  So each day, you will get a certain amount of calories.  And then based on your calorie plan, you get a certain number of containers!  So you might get 4 blues one day, and 2 greens.  SIMPLE!! 

And the workouts are short, but effective.  They are 30 minutes long, and you get everything from cadio to yoga, to weights.  

If your serious about losing weight and doing it the right way, this program is for you.  I think this will end of being a life changing program for a lot of people, including myself!

Click here to order your 21 Day Fix challenge pack now! 

First run of 2014!

2 pairs of pants ✔️
2 shirts ✔️
2 thermal coats ✔️
1 neck wrap thingy ✔️
1 thermal hat✔️ 1 #hipster ✔️ Air temp of 7!! Christmas lights!! And it started to snow! ❄️❄️ Seriously though, it was a pretty good run. My feet were the only thing cold on me, which then made them a little numb. I ran slow, and didn't quite get in 3 miles because it was getting dark and I had to let hubby get his in too. But, I did something I never thought I would do, and now know I'm capable of. Running in single digits!

December running

December 3rd

 So I was back at the doctor today for my irritating sinus infection. When your face feels like you got punched, that's a problem!! Apparently 10 days of a crappy antibiotics didn't help, and I still have one. Last night I was in so much pain and after my dentist app just went to prompt care. I'm not sure if I SHOULD of ran today, but I did. Went as far as I could without overdoing it. First time in the rain too, which I found relaxing. ️️It was only a light mist, but it didn't suck as bad as I imagined running in the rain would be! Christmas also came early for me! #turbofire deluxe DVDs, my tracker, E&E plus my vanilla Shakeology. Crappy morning turned out to be a pretty good day. Choosing to not sit around and be ticked I'm still battling this cold, instead getting some fresh air and clearing my head.

 December 13th

Look at what I did today!
I haven't ran since the 3rd, it's been pretty cold here and I have yet to decide if running when it's in the single digits is worth it. Today it made it up to 38, and I had to take advantage! There was snow on the ground, and so it made me a little nervous it would be slick, and I might tumble.
Turns out, days like today are some of my favorites. I started my run with intentions to do 2.5, then something inside like Turbo or T25. That 2.5 turned into "well, lets just do a 5K" then I thought, I am feeling REALLY good, so could I do 4? 4.17 up until today was my longest run ever, and I had only done it once. 4 miles came, and see that top picture? That is the alley behind my house that helped me get to 4 miles the first time I ever did it....up and down, until I hit my goal. By the time I got to this spot, I had hit 4, then I went back down, took a right, passed my street, and finished up through the next alley on the other side of my street. Being honest, I thought about 5. I thought it would be really, really cool if I ran 5 miles! Not wanting to push it, and starting to feel some aches and pains....I stopped here.
I wish all of my runs could be like this, but these are the ones that make me want to push even harder. The ones were you FEEL like a runner, and you push yourself past the limitations you have set on yourself.
Awesome, awesome day.

 That's all I have for this month. :(   It's been terrible cold, negative temps.  I will get out every chance I can, but now we are dealing with ice, rain, and snow later today. 

November running

 November 3rd

I did it friends!! today was the best I have ever felt, and I was in my zone. Everything felt good, and my mind was in the perfect place. There is something so satisfying when you have a run like this, and I know most of you know what I'm talking about. Any goal you want to hit, any dream you are chasing. When you reach those goals and dreams, it's the best feeling in the world!!

November 7th

 Today definitely got my mind off my troubles. It got my mind on my shins hurting, my nose running like a facet, my ears aching. Agh!! not every run will be good. I know that. I ran my best. I can honestly say I did. Yes I walked some, but I kept telling myself a year ago I would NEVER of been running in the windy, cold Midwest weather.
I am now.
All that matters. ️
On a side note. There were literally blankets of leaves on the sidewalks! That left bottom picture is my house. My favorite tree ever. It's like a lime green in the summer, and them turns this color. Soon, it will be empty and we will be raking needles up.

November 8th

 I'm supposed to be taking a "social media break" until tonight, but after having my best run to date I couldn't help but share it lol. I drive over to where I could hop on the trail, and everything about today was awesome. We used to love about a block away from this trail, and I started at a point to where I turned around almost by our old house. Memories came flying at me. Walking the girls when they were just babies in the stroller, our first bike ride, my first ever outside run was many years ago on this trail. Walks with our old Doberman. It tugged at my heart a tad, and who knows. Maybe that's what kept me going today. Happy Friday friends!

November 13th

  I guess the next time I question running with 20mph winds, wondering if I'll freeze the answer would be no! I actually overdressed and ended up unwrapping my scarf because I got hot! This cold weather stuff is all new to me, but eventually I'll find my groove. I started with #t25 gamma, and honestly tried to talk myself out of going. 2 miles was all I could get in before I had to leave to get the girls. it was also my first time running seeing snow on the ground. It was actually kind of cool to see it. ❄️❄️Just because a year ago, this would of never happened. #makingprogress #iamarunner #insanemomoftwins #coldweatherrunningmightnotsuck️️
Do you run in the cold? What are your tips for a newbie?

November 14th

 

 November 29th

First run in almost two weeks due to the sickies. For real. I'm as pink as my hat! I walked in and my husband even said "now that is a worn out face!" Did my best, felt good to get out there and run, but still taking it easy. #nottryingtomakeaduckface 

 November 30th

This quote was on my mind today. I had to adjust my thoughts and stop competing with the invisible person running next to me. Kept telling myself that this is the second run I have had in a few weeks and I'm still battling the yucks. It was brutal today. Body felt sluggish. I don't recommend eating after two days of Thanksgiving food. (If you can't see that on Facebook it's pizza lol) oh yes I did. Doubled up on #shakeology today, my body needs it!!

 These are all my pictures and post from my Facebook like page.  I'm trying to slowly shut down that page, and make my way back to blog land.  

In November, I ran 25.2 miles.  Ran in the snow for the first time which was pretty cool. :)  

I have a blog.....I must of forgotten

That's the only thing I can think of....I guess I forgot lol. To say the last month has been crazy is an understatement. It's been super busy, and between Facebook, and Instagram, I forget we have a little chunk of our life in blog land too. After closing up my old blog, it was actually hard to say goodbye to it....strange, I know. But it was like starting over, and I hate starting over, really dislike change!

As you know, my previous blog was all about my kids.  And now that they are officially in "school" my mommy gut is wondering if sharing pictures for the world to see is a good idea or not.  My "gut" is saying we are fine, but then I have to consider the people who tell me how scary it really can be to do that.  I have had someone take my pictures, and claim my kids were hers.  While we were not in any danger I don't believe, it was just downright creepy.  BUT, I have to document my kids lives.  Not only for us, but for them down the road.  So what to do?  Blog, but don't publish the ones about them?  Don't live in fear, and share my life the way it is.  What would you do?  What do you do? Separate business and family, only giving a peek in side our private side? I'll figure it out...hopefully sooner then later. 

In bigger news, yesterday for the first time, I declared myself a runner.  Yes I have still been running!  Not only just running, but actually enjoying it, and loving it!  I haven't posted since the 24th of last month, but here are some stats for ya.

In September, I ran 23.9 miles.  I would say I averaged about 3 miles or less a run, and 3.77 being the farthest I went.  

October, has brought changes.  The weather has turned into my favorite time of year, and mentally and physically I have grown into that runner I always wanted to be. 

Yep, that's me.  
A runner.
Prior to this, my fastest mile was 9:59, and my fastest 5k time was 34:56!!  
From my Facebook page about this picture.....

I just might get used to this whole running thing. if you asked me 2 months ago to run a 5k I would of laughed and said "I'm not a runner" where did this come from? I thought about that today while I was running. And you know where it came from? That desire of mine to push past my thoughts of "I'll never be a runner" because that's all I told myself! I was mean to me!! Which is why I always gave up. It was challenging. It wasn't #turbofire or #t25
I wasn't in the comfort of my own home, I was out running around the neighborhood sometimes being so far away I got scared I wouldn't make it back. it wasn't that far but you get that right?
So here I am now. I set out with two goals in mind today. Yes two. With rain in the forecast for the next three days, I decided I would push for my fastest mile....that nike voice came on and I braced myself (I had no clue where I was because my phone was in my #hipster) and thought "what if I didn't make it" then of course thought "it's not how fast you go" BUT. I did it. And the rest of my run fell into place. ️️ #addicted #iamarunner #running #justgorun

 

Now I wonder where I will go from here. It's getting cold, but that's not going to stop me from running. I have come way to far to stop now!